Why Yelling At Your Child Is Not A Good Idea & What You Can Do Instead

Did you know that yelling at a child can lead to problems like anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and high aggression in the long run?

There are times when yelling at your child may seem like a quick fix to correct their misbehaviour. However, it is important to understand that while the technique may work as a temporary solution, in some cases, most of the time it only backfires. It is important to understand that yelling does nothing to address the root cause of the problem and it won’t help to correct your child’s behaviour. 

If you yell at your child or feel the urge to do it, you are not alone. Many parents have been there and done that. It might have even worked in some instances but, ‘Is it really worth it?’. Read this blog to know the answer. Here we have listed some reasons why you should think twice before raising your voice at your child to discipline them and what are some effective ways to deal with the situation.

Yelling Won’t Bring The Change You Desire:

Let us start with the basic question, ‘Why do parents yell at their children in the first place?’ It is often to make the child do something or stop them from doing something. Yelling is a means to express your anger in order to make the child understand that you disapprove of their behaviour and you need them to change it. Anger is an emotion that we all feel, but when you yell at someone, especially a child, it may backfire. Let’s make it simple. What happens when you touch a hot utensil? Your body goes into fight or flight mode and you immediately withdraw your hand. Well, that is exactly what a child does. When you yell or scream at them, their body goes into fight or flight mode and perceives you as a threat. Eventually, they start to withdraw. At that moment, they won’t understand what you are trying to tell them because the only thing that they focus on is your yelling. Instead, if you resort to a more peaceful way of communicating with them and making them understand why they should do something or stop doing something, it might actually be more effective. 

Yelling Can Lower Your Child’s Self-Esteem:

Who would have thought that a moment of anger could lead to a lifelong impact? But, it does. For a child, their parents are the closest to them and they often want to be the center of their universe. They start developing their self-worth based on how their parents treat them. You might have noticed, that when you clap your hands and cheer for them for doing something nice, like dancing, they will do it again and again and even ask you to tell them how you liked it. That’s because they get all the validation they need from you. When you yell at your child, it may make them question their self-worth as they may start believing that you do not look at them the same way that you used to before or might even think of themselves as the bad person.

Yelling Can Trigger More Problematic Behaviour:

A study published by the University of Pittsburgh in 2013 suggests that “Harsh verbal discipline occurred more frequently in instances in which the child exhibited problem behaviours, and these same problem behaviours, in turn, were more likely to continue when adolescents received verbal discipline.” In simple words when you yell at a child with problematic behaviour, it is more likely to push them towards the same. So while you are yelling to get positive results, it may actually lead to negative consequences and aggravate the problem. Another study suggests that the impact of yelling can be as harsh as physical punishment and it can even interfere with the child’s behaviour, studies, and other crucial aspects. Children who are yelled at are also more susceptible to developing problems like depression and anxiety as they grow. 

Here Are 10 Things You Can Do Instead

1. Take a brief pause before you react. Abrupt reactions are most likely to cause damage. It is important to make sure that you react only after you have control of your own feelings. 

2. Use grounding techniques like deep breathing to calm yourself down. This will help you reset your mind and give you time to rethink how you want to react to that particular situation.

3. You need to set the ground rules clear and let your child know what you expect from them. Make them understand how their actions affect you and how happy you will feel if they acted in a certain way. 

4. Try positive affirmations. Raising a child is not an easy job and there are times when the anger takes over, however, what is more important is how you channelize your anger. Don’t forget to remind yourself that this is just a phase. 

5. Be prepared ahead of time. Take out some time and try to analyze what triggers your anger. Once you identify the trigger, try to develop strategies to help you deal with the situations with a more positive approach.

6. Set a routine for your little one. They should have a fixed time for sleeping, playing, learning and having food. Make it a habit to remind them of the timelines from time to time. 

7. Positive reinforcement will go a long way to help your child develop positive habits. Praise your little one whenever they do something good or whenever they listen to you. Instead of making them feel more bad about something wrong they did, praise them for what they did right. 

8. Give them the options and let your children make the choice. Instead of saying, “Keep your shoes on the rack and then put your socks in the laundry bag,” try saying, “What do you want to do first, keep your shoes on the rack or put your socks in the laundry?” This will nurture a sense of independence and responsibility. 

9. Set an example for your child by becoming a role model. Children learn by seeing and as they spend most of their time with you, it is but natural that they will try to copy you. For instance, when you are folding your clothes, make them sit with you and fold theirs. Even if they are not doing it right, just the idea of being helpful invokes a sense of responsibility. 

10. Speak to an expert, preferably a therapist to get a better understanding of how you can communicate with your child in a better manner. 

Do let us know if you tried any of these and how they worked for you. 

Source 

https://programsforparents.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/March-2024-The-Parent-Press-1.pdf 

https://www.news.pitt.edu/news/yelling-doesn-t-help-may-harm-adolescents-pitt-led-study-finds