Uniqueness of a sibling bonding

Childhood is the most favourite part of anyone’s life. For me, having two younger siblings wasn't always so much fun. My brother is a year younger to me and my sister came in 8 years later.

Still I remember the day I stood outside the children's nursery too excited to have that one glimpse of my younger new born sister. At the age of eight, to see a little new bundle of joy becoming everyone's centre of attention at home could have meant trouble for some but in my case jealousy never seeped in as I was too busy fighting my way out with my clever brother.

My sister was rather a happy distraction to his annoying ways. He pulled my hair when we fought, switched off the fan in peak summer as I slept and never let me out anytime his friends were over.

I got slapped for his crimes and scolded for his faults, yet I could not hate him so to say. His kite flying mania amused me and I stood at the terrace for hours holding the roll of that so called 'Manja' secretly praying for his kite to go the highest, teasing him when it wouldn't, returning the favour of acting mean.

Holi meant a week of waking up early 'happily', unlike school days, preparing for tubs full of water balloons for the whole day.

Mom being as strict as she was never failed to shower us with her unending hugs and kisses post every scolding making sure we three ended a fight with an embrace for each other which was done with a lot of obvious embarrassment. The strange combination of love and hate for my siblings got a few feelings on the surface on certain occasions.

Each time my brother got punished my heart sank, each time anyone of them fell ill it didn't feel good....I discovered much early in life that siblings are deeply connected despite all the childhood drama.

The one rule our mom followed for the three of us was that we would always be together, be it a holiday, a family scene or a simple outing, she kept us together irrespective of all the noise. What we didn't know was that she was unconsciously preparing us to be each other’s strength. Few months after my sister turned 4, my mother’s mild illness took over and she left the three of us for another realm.

Now, there was no one to check our notebooks…the way she did...to force that glass of milk down…with that authority....to punish my brother for things he hardly did to annoy me now or give me a good scolding for those grades.....and the loving embrace only became a memory. It all changed....we clung to each other without making it obvious. I became a 12-year-old mom to my sister and my clueless brother....We never spoke of our shock, sorrow and sadness for years 'openly' as words seemed too shallow, but here's what I would like to say about sibling bonding. 

Today 25 plus years later we three know that be it anywhere on the planet we are there for each other despite what anyone might have done. It's a mental support that is good enough to help you feel strong and safe. We still fight, disagree and annoy each other but that's where the love truly lies.

Here are a few things I would like to share with parents and siblings 

1. It is up to the parents how well they bring out the relevance of the other in their children’s life 

2. Let your children know each other’s faults and know each other's strengths and weaknesses. This helps them know that it’s okay to falter and possible to correct 

3. Keep them together despite the drama

4. Let them know that no one in the world will feel the pinch more on seeing the other unhappy and blood relations are deeper than we acknowledge them to be

5. Talk about the silent love your child displays for the other when needed

6. Help them help each other on a bad day

7. A family that prays together, stays together—take out a few minutes of heartfelt prayer asking for grace, for better marks, greater health and stronger friendships for each other.

In today's world there is no greater strength to have your siblings by your side who know and love you for all that you are. Children are like little plants who once watered well, support each other’s roots without anyone's knowing. Siblings offer each other the valuable experience of learning the little nothings of life. They teach each other sensitivity, sharing and compassion; they learn skills that enable them to treat the other equally and kindly.

If being guided by a conscientious parent, rivalry can take a backseat and they can be shown various benefits of having each other in their lives..

To build a meaningful bond between siblings who chose each other at a soul level:

We must make them feel responsible for each other’s well-being and safety.

Once they feel answerable for each other from a tender age, they will feel how the others life may affect their own. This way they prepare themselves for taking responsibility for their future relations too.

(Shweta Chopra is a Life Coach and an Angel Therapist who runs workshops under the name of Blessed Souls. She has been guiding people for almost two decades now, helping them deal with their lives. She can be reached on her facebook page Communicative Souls.)