'No' parents make 'No' children!

‘YES’... yes is not just a word, it’s a feeling, it’s a thought. It creates a sense of positivity. You will notice that when you receive ‘yes’ as a response, it makes you feel happy. Imagine creating that positive and happy feeling in your child, a feeling that will get ingrained in his psyche for all times to come! So let’s see first the flipside – what happens with a ‘no’?

How ‘NO’ affects your child

As your child turns a toddler, ‘NO’ becomes a parent's favourite word: ‘Hey, don't touch that’, ‘No, don’t do that’; ‘Don't go there’, ‘Don't put that in your mouth"; ‘Don’t eat that’; ‘Don't make such a mess’; ‘No running’, ‘No jumping" – No!!! No!!! No!!! Imagine you constantly being told a ‘no’ for everything you want to do – a 'no' by your boss, by your partner, by your parents. It is so annoying ... Isn't it? So, why do that to your child?

Know this: The more you use the word ‘no’, the more you lower your child’s self-esteem. S/he will feel less confident about himself and his actions. Every time you say ‘no’, you lower the enthusiasm of your child to learn and explore his surroundings. In due course of time, your child may just stop taking any initiatives with the fear of being put down.

Also, the child becomes rebellious – 'no' parents make 'no' children. I will give you an example – A close friend of mine complained that her daughter says a no to everything she (my friend) says, whether it is to greet someone or to pick her toys from the living room. The reason is simple – my friend was a ‘no’ parent and her daughter has become a mirror of the same behaviour. So I tell my friend, very candidly: ‘It’s you who started saying a no for everything, why blame her now?’

So how to become a ‘YES’ parent?­­­­

Yoy may ask: Is it really possible to say a yes for everything to your child? Where to draw the line? Am I supposed to say yes to my child when s/he asks for ice cream with a runny nose? Well… here is the thing: When I urge you to become a ‘yes’ parent, I do not advocate that you fulfil every demand of your child. I do not say allow your child to play with fire or a knife. The trick here is to say a no but without creating negative emotions. Here’s how…

Diverting attention: One method which is likely to work well is diversion of diverting your child’s attention. So if your child is banging the table or flinging things around, instead of screaming out an impatient ‘No’, simply divert his attention towards something else. Pick him up, take him to some other place or assign some responsibility.

 Allow experiences:  If your child insists on having a fork or knife to play with, allow him/her to experience it under your supervision and alongside gently and convincingly explain to your child why and how it can be dangerous.

Postpone the urge:  This technique works well with children above 4 years. Children below 3 years usually don’t comprehend time. But under any circumstances avoid making false promises. Listen to the desire attentively and discuss it creatively – no desire is unreasonable. Listen to what your child wants, discuss it out in detail (make the time and effort) – from here you can probably create a story and have a healthy conversation with your child instead of simply saying you can’t have what you want. This really helps! Your child is willing to listen, only if you are willing to explain it out well.

Handling a tantrum: One thing you must avoid is humiliating the child in public. I observed a significant change in one of my students ever since I started talking to him privately. I would take him out of the classroom or have a moment with him alone, instead of saying anything in front of the class. So in case your child is throwing a tantrum make sure you take your child in a corner or another room and talk about what s/he wants. Hug him tight and tell him why the behaviour is not accepted, and see the change in his/her behaviour.

Remember: Always treat your child the way you want others to treat him.

So are you inspired to become a ‘Yes’ parent? Put these tips to practise and do share how it goes for you. Happy Parenting!