How To Deal With Your Child's Temper Tantrums(Aggression)?

Are you also dealing with temper tantrums(aggression) of a growing child? Is your 8 or 9-year-old throwing fits at the word go, and do you feel helpless in controlling it? If the answers to these questions are yes, then don’t worry, as you are not alone in this. Here’s my story and what I did to handle the anger issues in my son. I am the mother of a 9-year-old male child. My son, when he was young, even now and then he still loses his temper. And it was not restricted to losing temper it moved on to being stubborn for certain things. My husband and I are working and we were a bit worried, then we discussed and tried to work out a way. But before I share the hacks that helped us to control toddler's temper tantrums(aggression) effectively.

Why Do Older Children Lose Their Temper?

Generally, temper tantrums are an issue with toddlers but if your school going child is throwing temper tantrums and that too at regular intervals then there might be something that is bothering him or her. So sit with your child and spend some time with him or her so that they don’t feel neglected. Also, older the child grows, more understanding he or she becomes about his or her environment. He knows and understands the strengths and weaknesses of his parents and others around him or her and he feels that by throwing a tantrum he or she can get away with it. Read 

How To Help My Child Who Has Anger Issues?

Like I said, even a growing child is still a child and needs your constant attention. So here’s what you can you do.

1. Begin with yourself:

   We keep saying this but forget while practicing – the child learns from you so if you are able to control your temper, chances are your child will also be able to do the same

2. Anger is not wrong:

   You need to remember that anger is not wrong but to be constantly angry indicates some underlying issue. So help him identify the anger and then guide them to deal with it in a positive way

3. Reconnect with your child:

   This is your best chance to reconnect with your child and strengthen the ‘connect’ with your child

4. Give your love and support:

   An angry child needs your love and support and not your criticism or your punishment. So be sensitive about your child’s feelings

What I Did To Help My Child With Temper Tantrums?

Here are few things we did to handle the temper tantrum in our son.

1. Respond with a smile:

   When he was losing his temper and looked at me to expect shock, anger, and frustration--which was usually my reaction--I started looking at his eyes with a calm face for few seconds, to change the situation. He would get confused and would start smiling. If he was still angry, I used to laugh loudly, and he wouldn't be able to stop his smile

2. Teach patience:

   Children usually throw tantrums when they want something and we don't provide it. So, to teach him patience, I played his own game. When my son started communicating, he had just learnt numbers 1 to 3. I gave him 2 pens in hand and asked him to give 3 pens back to me. He counted twice and gave 2 pens saying that he just had 2. I started throwing tantrums that I wanted 3. He couldn't understand what to do and slowly explained that he can't give me the 3rd one. We used this as a chance to explain that parents do have limited resources and thus it is not possible to buy everything, and only necessary thing could be bought

3. Role play:

   We usually play mother- son game that is he is my mother and I am the adamant son. Gradually, I would bring in the issues we had and he now understood how difficult it was to deal with a situation sometimes

4. Share incidents and anecdotes:

   Now we discuss even our office problems with him, so he understands what we go through with on a daily basis and also gives his own inputs—how to deal with a situation creatively and innovatively

5. Take his opinion:

   Instead of telling him what to do, we ask him, what shall we do differently that will help him to make him feel important

With these ideas, I think these 3 t's—temper, tears and tantrums—could be handled easily and efficiently. I feel today's children are more intelligent, mature and friendly. Their exposure is greater than our childhood days, and parenting is a journey we take together as a family, where the child's role is more important. Have a great parenting journey, it is a blessed journey and once in a lifetime opportunity to learn and grow at the same time. Read more on Dealing With Child's Temper Tantrums.  

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