How Relationship Between Mom and Dad Affects Child?

In India, marriage is the union of two families along with the couple. Understanding oneself and your partner is an uphill but beautiful journey. After marriage, the next step is usually parenting. Most couples in India plunge into parenthood without being prepared for it mentally, financially and physically. This is because of the many myths surrounding parenthood, and usually pressure from the extended families.

We prepare for exams, meetings, weddings and even parties. But we do not plan for the biggest turnaround journey in our lives. Parenting is not easy and neither is it all roses.

Why Do We Need to Understand Your Responsibility As Parents?

From the moment your child is conceived it is learning and acquiring. You must have heard of stories from our epics and Puranas- that of Abhimanyu learning about the chakravyuh while in the womb- Science also has confirmed that the well-being and emotional state of both parents are extremely crucial for the child. We forget that from the moment of conception till our children leave our nest we are 'on stage'. Every expression, every word, every emotion, every behavior is being observed and being absorbed.

Some of us think we can escape our child knowing, and hold the bitterness inside. But do you think that our children do not know or are not affected?

Indeed it is the painful truth! Psychologists have taken the urine samples of children (of fighting couples) for analysis. It was no surprise to find out that these samples contained adrenalin. This secretion is due to the stress experienced. Interestingly the same children were observed closely by the same psychologists and to no one's surprise, it was found that all of them suffered from attentional and emotional problems in varying degrees. The attentional ability to focus, shift and stay on is affected. The attentional system is a good reflector of stress. Children, according to Dr. Gottman, are prewired to attention from birth.

How Does The Positive Environment Impact Your Child?

Children who live in a positive environment become:

• Little explorers: they are secure, confident and have good self-esteem
• Emotionally stable: they go on to have strong relationships and are able to manage themselves well
• Active learners: They become open-minded. Their cognitive development and language development is also very good

What Are The Adverse Effects Of Living In Negativity?

Those who live in a negative environment become

• Withdrawn: they are painfully shy, have very low self-esteem, and are very low in confidence. Their emotional and cognitive development is affected
• Difficulty in forging bonds: They will find it difficult to create friendships, and maintain healthy relationships in childhood and adulthood. [Read - Must Know 7 Strong Parent-Child Emotional Bonding]
• Opposite gender child gets affected: It is also interesting to note that parental conflicts affect the child of the opposite gender. So the father's role, attitude, and action affect the daughter and that of the mother affects the son

What Causes Stressful Relationships?

These three points are true not only for romantic or married relationships but are indicative in parent-child relationships as well.

How Can You Take Positive Steps Towards A Better Relationship?

These three simple points can help repair your communication and your relationship with your partner. I would like to share a beautiful poem with you. Perhaps all of us parents ought to make a poster of this at home to help remind us…

Children Learn What They Live

Here are a few facts about children by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

• If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
• If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
• If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
• If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
• If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
• If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
• If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
• If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
• If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
• If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
• If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
• If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
• If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
• If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
• If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
• If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
• If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
• If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
• If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Did you find Swapna'sblog on the impact of marriage on children useful? How do you maintain a healthy relationship with your partner and children? Do leave your comments…. We love hearing from you!