Understanding Reasons Of Bullying: 8 Tips To Help Your Child

Bullying occurs in different ways, from different sources and even at different levels. Is it a pathological disorder, treatable with counseling and medicine? Or is it just a social order which needs long-term efforts to repair? What can you do as a parent, to help your child who is being a victim? What should you do as a parent or a teacher to help the child who is being a bully? And another at least addressed the question, what should a parent of a bystander child do?

Who Are Bullies?

It is interesting to note that bullies are not born but they are raised and by bullying they attempt to gain superiority or control over another child. A child becomes a bully to, possibly, make up for the lack of attention of parent/s at home and lashes out at others for attention. They usually come from dysfunctional families. A bully may not be a strong person as he appears to be and the outward behavior he chooses to show is to mask their true inner feelings. In fact, in real life, he tends to be struggling with self-esteem. They usually tend to fail to regulate their emotions and can get angry with their victim at even minor things.

Where Do Children Pick-up Bullying?

In my previous article on child bullying & harassment, I had discussed how bullying has trickled down to the youngest of the students including kindergarteners, sometimes, thanks to TV shows with animated cartoons in which a bunch of characters leaves no stone unturned to tease the weaklings physically or verbally. For example- in ‘Chotta Bheem’ Kalia teases Dholu and Bholu by calling them names as ‘dimwits’ for their weediness;  in ‘Luv aur Khushh’ Ugra who calls himself “Rajkumar Ugra” has become a laughing stock for his friends for his boisterous nature, in ‘Kisna’ Champu and Bhondu make fun of Suddhi for his enervation; in ‘Doraemon’ Jian and Soniyo make fun of Nobita for his laziness—are some examples of where children could be picking up cues. Similarly, children see violence in movies and videogames and copy it. Bullying by a sibling is though is another circumstance where one child bullies and dominates the other. 

The aggressive child targets the most vulnerable child by hitting below the belt i.e. his/her drawbacks such as shy nature, short/tall stature or sensitivity, or they are perceived as different. Even the teacher’s favorite students are targeted for their popularity. It is when teasing crosses the line into bullying and becomes traumatic, should parents and teachers come into the picture. They should take the matter seriously as the effects of bullying can be serious and affect a child’s self-worth and sense of safety.

What Parents Should Advise a Child Being Bullied

You can start with the following advice for the victim of bullying. This is the part where you are also helping the victim’s self-esteem, with the ways the victim can build his/her support environment.

1. Assure your child that it is not his fault. Emphasize that it is the bully who is behaving badly and not him

2. Praise your child for doing the right thing by talking to you about it

3. Tell him to avoid reacting to what the bully said by not being upset, angry or teary. Also, teach him to strongly say a ‘NO’ and tell the other child to stop hurting him through role plays 

4. Guide him to avoid fighting or bullying back as this could escalate violence. It is best to tell the bully firmly and clearly to stop, then walk away from the situation or seek help from any responsible adult standing by such as a teacher or a neighbor.

5. He could hang out with buddies to make sure he is not alone with the bully.

6. Let him know it is not a good idea to skip school or avoid friends, sports or clubs because he is afraid of the bully. He has every right to be there just as much as the bully does.

7. Seek help from an adult by talking to someone he trusts.

8. Choose some activities that he is really good at and highlight his strengths. This would help the child feel good about himself and develop better self-esteem. 

We have swept this issue under the rug for far too long, it is time we all raise our voice against this crisis. We need to address this underrated form of harassment, against children of all ages to stomp out bullying. 

If you are with me, please come up with strategies to prevent bullying or you could even share what you have been doing to ensure that your child is safe from its clutches.