Bullying in Children - An Underrated Harassment Parents Care About [Part-1]

Bullying, unfortunately, is a reality most children and even young adults are living with. It is an underrated phenomenon with most parents having a tendency to ignore it. But if not dealt with, it can have serious consequences for the growing child. Here is something you should know about bullying.

Some Child Bullying Cases

Case 1: 3-year-old Rajan muttered, “Mama I do not want to go on that slide, let’s go back home right now.” He held her hand and kept pulling her away at the mere sight of a tall strong boy who had just entered the play area. His mother was surprised by this abrupt change of mind cause yesterday he had been excited to go to school and play on the swings. Mamta had gone to attend PTM in the school, with Rajan, to discuss concerns raised by his teachers regarding his eccentric behavior in recent days. Did she come back home puzzled about this sudden unusual change in his behavior at school? Also, her mind went into a tizzy wondering whether those bruises she saw a few days back on Rajan’s body had anything to do with this dominating tallboy. On enquiring, the only answer she got from her son was a freaking scare on his face as if he had just come back home after a one-on-one with a ghost.

Case 2: It had become an everyday drama at 6’0clock in Sona’s home. A 6-year-old, otherwise an extraordinarily bright child, would just not budge for last few days until her parents agreed to drop her privately to school and not use the school bus. No amount of sops, comforting words or promises would settle the deal. Her parents were quite flummoxed on her unusual behavior, as she had not taken even a single day off from school in the past two years but would nowadays threaten her parents to not attend school if sent by the school bus. Her parents could sense something was just not right in the bus. On confronting children who used to board the bus from her stop, they realized she was mocked at, verbally teased and threatened of dire consequences by a group of 5th graders. Sona’s parents were embarrassed and tormented on realizing what trauma their child was going through everyday right under their noses.

Case 3: Sahil, an eleven year, plump and otherwise jovial boy was becoming difficult. He would sit for hours in his room behind closed doors and would avoid going out with friends in the evening. Once his mother finally managed to sneak in through the window and could see Sahil looking into the mirror touching his chin hair and talking to himself. She heard him saying “Dadiyal bhainsa (fat buffalo, one with beard) kaha tha unhone mujhe, I will not leave them.” Later they found out that his friends were making fun of the bodily changes he was undergoing during puberty. 

Case 4: Medan, a 17- year-old thin, lean boy who was quite excited to join his new college and had spent all his pocket money on buying fashionable trendy clothes, no longer seemed to be even close to being called ‘happy’, just two weeks after his classes had begun. His parents ignored this change considering it to be one of those transitions from being a schoolboy to a “faccha”. On pestering Medan disclosed to his elder brother that his classmates as well as seniors deride his thin lean physical appearance as well as his feeble voice and referred to him as ‘Gay’. They would not involve him in group activities and keep him at arm’s length.

The above mentioned 4 cases each different from the other in the parameter-age of the children; stages of school ranging from a preschooler (Case 1 ) to a young adult  (Case 4); the difference in the way they were being targeted—have a common thread. In all these cases, victims were subjected to ‘bullying’ by other child/children either by use of muscular bravado or namecalling or comments on physical appearance. The immediate response of all the victims was to retreat to their shell in order to avoid ‘bully/bullies’ even if that meant not going to school or avoiding the use of school transport or even confining themselves to their room.

Frequently Asked Questions on Child Bullying

To understand what these children were going through, we need to know the answers to the following questions: 

Q. What is Bullying?

Bullying refers to repeated, unprovoked, harmful actions by one child or children against another. The acts may be physical or psychological. Physical, or direct, bullying includes hitting, kicking, pushing or other forms of physical assault or coercion. Psychological bullying includes name-calling, making faces, teasing, taunting, spreading rumors, and making threats. Indirect, or less obvious and less visible, bullying includes exclusion and rejection of children from the group. 

Q. Who Are Bullies?

Bully/bullies refer to a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing, person/s who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller and weaker people. [Part 2 - Bullying Causes, Reasons & Tips for Parents to Help Children] 

Q. Who is a Bystander?

The bystander is someone who sees or knows about bullying or other forms of violence that is happening to someone else; they can be either part of the problem (hurtful  bystander) or part of the solution (helpful bystander).

Bullying is one of the most unfortunate experiences that marks many childhoods. It is in most of the cases ignored, underrated, attended to with casual approach  by parents, caregivers, teachers and society at large. Bullying can be detrimental and can pose serious threats to an individual at a later stage. The effects of bullying can range from...

• Depression 
• Low self-esteem
• Health problems
• Poor grades
• Suicidal thoughts

Have you ever noticed any such incidences of bullying with your child or children in your family? If yes, please share your parallel experiences. Immediately following would be my next blog on how to identify signs of bullying, the role of parents and advice for the child who is being bullied.

Disclaimer: The names of persons used and incidences mentioned in this blog are fictitious and have no relation whatsoever to any person living/dead.