Celebrating my Special! –a writing for parents with a special child

The baby is born! Outpour of congratulations, blessings from everywhere…….a feeling that surpasses anything I have ever felt till now;
Questions, confusions - an unknown territory; hormones plunging to the lowest; nappies and feedings……these are short days and long, long sleepless nights.

There are hopes, dreams and giggles….and amongst all, a whole load of faith. Faith that everything is well and will be well always!

Days pass, nights continue to be a challenge still; and then, the days also become a challenge…..
The baby is not as responsive as other toddlers around; she doesn’t smile so often; she cries way too much…….petty comparisons, the mother reminds herself - “you are better than this; get over with it already”

But the questions remain! And the biggest one of all, staring right at my face - is my child slow or she just has a different pace?

The child surely has a different pace…a special pace. Welcoming you to a world less-ordinary, more challenging but equally fulfilling (even if that is the last thing I want to think about at the time).

A special child is born….
She needs special care, extra-ordinary care, round-the-clock care….all her life.

So along with being a parent, I become a caretaker, a therapist, a psychologist, an educator………I become a special parent.
Expert visits, long hours of researching on the internet, handling involuntary tantrums, supporting my partner in the moments of helplessness…….
How all of this has already replaced the friday night parties, the vacation plans and so much more!

On such a night, when the baby has finally slept and my partner is recuperating in dreams, I let my vulnerability take form – I talk to myself, cry, ask senseless questions, lying down on the floor. It feels as if I might not be able to get up at all, ever…
On such a night, it all comes back to me……the hopes, dreams, giggles and……the faith. A special baby is born to celebrate her life with me.

Paths become clearer; help comes my way;
I meet other special parents, special schools, special educators…and special solace, indescribable in words.
I find my strengths and fearlessness lifts me up. Whatever happens!
….and just as a miracle, I plan our first vacation in years and hey the Friday night parties come back too.

Life, with my child, wants to be lived, not defined.

Love would happen in an instant…and for the instant.
Display of this love is just as brash and honest, without a hint of doubt.

This world is rolling on purity - pure fun, pure laughter, pure tears…..no feeling gets tangled with another. It all moves on one plane at a time. Confusions are there, but they are not jumbled up;

Here journey is the only goal and identifying destination is a free choice, a personal choice;
This world lets you define your own happiness, own sorrows; there are no rules…you create them, bend them, let go of them.

Here’s a child who is capable of creating a unique world for herself….a world that envelopes everyone around and which refuses to be succumbed to the usual.
She is blessed indeed and most definitely, a blessing…

I celebrate this new life, new child and new world because that is the only reason why this little angel came my way. Not to inflict pain or despair, but to free me from the shackles of an ordinary world and lead me to my own personal space in eternity.

*** Dedicated to all parents of children with special needs.