10 Things To Focus On When Your Teenager Is Emotionally Or Mentally Struggling

Being a mom to a teenage daughter myself, I know how it feels, and believe you me the struggle is real! It’s like swinging between two extremes wherein one day you feel proud to be their mother and the very next day you feel frustrated because of their emotional outbursts. One moment you can see them sharing their heart out to you, hugging you and a few moments later they are slamming doors in your face. All thanks to their mood swings which could be due to the surge of emotions that comes with changing hormones during puberty. The sad part is as parents we don’t even understand what could sour a teen’s mood and this leaves us wondering-

Is it that their post didn’t get enough likes on Insta? Is it a tiff with their friend? or Is the meal cooked at home, not of their choice which could have ruined the mood? These might seem trivial issues to us but for them, these could be monumental. The frontal part of the brain, called the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, as well as controlling impulses is one of the last brain regions to mature. 

They have very strong emotions and passions but their prefrontal cortex has not caught up with them yet. This could explain the irrational behavior of teenagers as they don’t have the brakes that allow them to slow down those emotions. As parents, it could be challenging for us to help our teens control the emotional roller coasters they go through in a healthy way. But, the good news is that we can still manage our teen’s emotions and help them work through them. Here are a few steps you can use :

1. Diffuse the situation by remaining calm: Try to deescalate the situation when your teen is screaming or slamming doors by being calm. By being polite yet firm, communicate to your child that disagreements can be settled in a better way if you both treat each other with respect. 

2. Keep the lines of communication with your teen humming: Give a patient ear to your teen. Encourage your teen to talk about it. Help them identify these new feelings and recognize the triggers, so that they are forewarned and take charge of it before they actually slip into it. 

3. Do not jump to discipline mode quickly:  Avoid getting into the discipline mode immediately as soon as you see your teen acting out.  Since it is a new terrain for them they  might take time to learn to deal with their emotions. So calm yourself down and don’t get swayed by their bad behavior and let the better sense prevail.

4. Give your child space: Instead of asking them again and again what has gone wrong, give them the space or time to think alone about how they feel. Let them know you are there for them if they want to talk.

5. Help your child develop problem-solving skills: Help them identify the triggers  and rather than offering them solutions, discuss the problem with them and let them find out the solution on their own. When children ‘own’ them they are more likely to try them out and this life skill will get better with practicing.

6. Role play a few scenarios with your teen: Show them a few techniques which can help them calm down immediately such as counting backwards, deep breathing, leaving the room and standing in the balcony or distracting themselves. 

7. Help them find mood busters which can make them feel better: Everyone has their personal favorite activities by doing which they can change their mood. For instance, listening to their favorite artist’s playlist, going for a walk, patting their dog or even hugging you. 

8. Let them know the feeling will pass: Do not blame them or make them feel guilty for having such feelings. Let your teen know it’s okay to feel angry, sad or low, that they are not alone in this and the feeling shall pass. 

9. Be a role model for your teen: Children learn by imitating significant people in their life. So how you react in tough times is what your teen is looking up to and it is quite likely that he is going to behave the same way. So be watchful of how you manage  your emotional ups and downs.

10. Take professional help, if need be: They can feel down for minutes, hours, days or even longer. However, if you feel they are gripped by an unrelenting sadness or hopelessness that is keeping them from going about their usual routine, it could be a sign of depression. Don’t delay further and take the help of an expert such as a counselor or a therapist.

We all have been there and done that. Over the years, we have been able to identify what triggers sadness or anger in us. We have also learnt how to control these emotions so that we can ride through them and function effectively. These are a natural part of growing up and we can help our teens get through them too using the strategies mentioned above. Try to figure out what is wrong and help your child deal with these mood swings with your support. Hope you found this blog useful. Please pour in your valuable feedback and suggestions in the comments sections below and add value to this blog.